Bryan McHugh Lives On

2006-12-30T06:29:00.000Z

I keep seeing clips on televison for the latest animated movie coming out.... I dont know whether to laugh or cry.. every time I see the clips I can picture Bryan doing his impressions!
I cant watch any of those movies again without thinking of him but its a good memory and always brings a smile to my face!
"Doom on you, doom on you"... (thanks Bryan!)

"You made me do it"!

2006-09-30T21:17:00.000Z

"What? Have I got a hand up your arse and making your lips move?
"No, I can't make you do something. I can't make you feel something. I might be able to evoke something in you, provoke you, but you're responsible for what you do. You! No-one else! "
How often that comes back to me, or variations of it, and how much better I feel for understanding what Bryan meant and learning from yet another lesson.
Instead of reacting to an event, a person - recognise the feelings, accept them (yes, play a fantasy horror film in your head for a few seconds) and then - only then - respond and act.
OK, I don't always get it right, and there are still situations that set me off, but I feel Bryan there, giving me the evil eye when I need it.

I just want to say...

2006-09-29T21:25:00.000Z

I just want to say how much Bryan meant to me. He brought out the best in me. He came up to see me which, seeing as I lived at Farnborough meant a lot to me.
He had the power to make me feel good and opened my eyes to everything around me. he gave me the strength to move on from one relationship. But showed me that it was still ok to love and trust. I will miss the workshops and seeing him perform.
I want Carole, Liam and the rest of Bryan's Family to know that I have much love and respect for them. I feel him around me sometimes. with his aftershave or, the day after the funeral we were on our way back down to Somerset. when both Sarah and I looked up a side road to see someone wearing a hat exactly the same as Bryans. We had never seen anyone wearing a hat like that before.
All my love to all my friends from the workshops. I am sure he is watching over all of us.
Andy Butcher, Farnborough or soon to be Littlehampton.

Bryan on My Mind

2006-09-29T21:18:00.000Z

What do i do to pass the time?
When Bryan is on my mind
How you made me laugh and smile
Comes back to me for a little while

How im going to miss your radiant grin
when I feel with my journey im on a win
I remember the late summer evenings
seeing you, me trying to delay my leaving
as I always loved the late glow of evening sun
and although it was counselling, it was sometimes fun

as I ranted about the obscure world outside those doors
and you d keep quiet encouraging me to speak more
learning what’s in my control and what is simply not
remembering things from the past I thought id forgot

As I talk with people that live in denial day by day
I think of you often and wonder what you d say
I draw my strength from the gift of an eagle feather
and the painting of the house, created by Heather
Oh Bryan you may be gone physically but I still feel you
here and around whenever I need to see you

2006-09-28T09:24:00.000Z

I remember Bryan very fondly. What a man!! I remember being a slightly scared when I first met him at Littlehampton train station. Actually, thinking about it now I was very scared! But after a couple of hours of being in his company and listening to 'Watching The Wheels' by John Lennon a few times I felt relaxed and a hell of a lot better about myself. I'd never even heard that song before but now I love it and always think of him when I play it. What a man!!

2006-09-27T07:05:00.000Z

I have known Bryan for 4 years, since i have been seeing his son Matt. I found Bryan to be a gentle giant. I admire the way he turned his life around and then did the same for many others.
I would have loved Bryan to be there at our wedding and for him to be my father in law. I know that when we do finally tie the knot he will be there in sprit and will be smilling down on us.

I promise you Bryan that i shall keep the promise i made to you at St Barnabas and i will look after Matt.

I wished i had known you longer, as what i did know i loved.

My thoughts and prayers are with Sean, Matt, Jess, Liam and Carole and the rest of his family.

A strange day, that changed my life...

2006-09-21T18:40:00.000Z

I was ready for another Unipaz workshop, another calm weekend in Sintra, at “Quinta da Paciência” where I was supposed to hear interesting people talking about interesting subjects.
I wasn’t feeling good that day – I was sad and didn’t feel like talking, but there I was, ready to listen.

When I entered the room I saw Brian McHugh – the guy that should talk to us about something I new nothing about – Shamanism.

As the group was ready to start, we formed a circle and at the center the man in the black hat started posing each one of us a question.
I couldn’t believe??? What the hell am I doing here???? Now I have to talk…No way.... What the ...

He reached to me and asked me: How are you feeling today? ….. I wasn’t able to say a single word. I just froze, with my arms crossed. He mimicked me and said: “no way I’m going to tell you how I feel.” (which was more or less what I was thinking…)
By now I was wondering: Why didn’t I stay in bed?????

When he finished going round the circle he told us to stand up (again in my mind the same question – what the hell am I doing here???), join hands and close our eyes.

Music started. With an Indian voice, the sound of an eagle, drums… All of a sudden, with no warning, tears simply starting rolling down may face.
OH MY GOD!!! What is happening to me…. I can’t stop crying… Well, there was nothing I could do. I just stood there, in that circle, crying.
After a while I felt him in front of me and he said: Lot’s of love, many blessings to you. And there I was, crying myself away.

The music stopped and he told us to open our eyes. Then he went round the group again. Asking: How are you feeling?
Me? Sad. And he told me: Yes Child, I know you are sad. You are very sad. And I know why.

This was the beginning of one of the most incredible days in my life. This man I had never seen, looked at me and he actually SAW ME.

The day ended and on Sunday I was anxious to return – I wanted to see that man doing miracles, guessing what was on people’s minds…

To end the workshop he told us to choose a card from his deck – I was the last one to take a card – and I had to try in three different places – they where stuck…

Then he started turning the cards, one by one. Mine was the last and it was “The death of the Shaman”. On that weekend in Sintra I died and was reborn again a new person. When I left “Quinta da Paciência” I felt I could fly.

This was the first of several workshops I did with this amazing man.

Wow!!!! I’m glad I didn’t stay in bed after all. I was given a golden opportunity. My life was different. I was different. I was feeling great.

Thank you, Bryan. Thank you.
Lots of love, many blessings to YOU, Bryan McHugh.

Rita Macedo Santos

coincidence? i don't think so...

2006-09-21T16:44:00.000Z

well... what can you say? it seems such a long time ago that the great man walked into my life and, yes, I hated him on sight, and after one day of being turned inside out, wanted to kill him as well. but he made a point of singling me out - "you've got such a lot of potential" he said, and i guess something inside me changed, and i decided i might as well trust the crazy scary man with the black hat, the big black, and the lots of shouting and mad behaviour... a good decision, i think... what an extraordinary and inspiring guy, one of those rare people that genuinely didn't give a damn, and what's more, did it with honesty. crazy, yes... but like a fox.

I haven't even started yet - but maybe it's someone else's turn...

lots of [Life's-Only-Vital-Emotion] to all the workshop people, many blessings and much love to you.

It was meant to be!

2006-09-21T08:44:00.000Z

Bryan had such an enormous impact on my life. I could never express enough gratitude for how he helped me truly find myself. The day I met Bryan he was sitting in the bar at Withdean stadium, dealing out Native American Indian cards on the table.

My immediate thought as a complete and utter hypochondriac was "wow I want some of this". Bryan of course quickly assessed that I was obviously in need of rather major therapy. He told me that although he'd been warned not to take on any more clients at the moment, he simply couldn't say no! I did wonder at the time did I ask for therapy?? No, infact I hadn't, this was typical of the big man, who at the time drove around on a red honda C90! He said he would be coming round to see me in a few days. At the time, I was totally mystified this very confident self assured man who was in great demand on a moped! Strange combination.

I then thought about this and thought aah what have I done invited this strange fascinating man that I didn't know to my house. So, I had a back up plan in reality this was my partner and some other male friends lurking around just in case! Well from that day on life was never the same! Bryan you helped me with all my demons. You showed me how special I really am.

I celebrated the fact that no one is normal! We had such fantastic journeys together, I remember how you used to keep me waiting just to make me mad you were a bloody sod sometimes and that's what made you truly magical. I ranted, I raved, I kicked,screamed, cried, forgave, accepted and learned to be me. I learnt to say no as you always said "what's your yes worth if you can't say no". I learnt to look out for me. I did a teaching course at University I came first in the test! At school I always came last, I drove past my old school and gave them the one finger, there I've done it! Then, I had a daughter and you helped me to embrace motherhood, which did not come easily, but with you there I did it. See all you need is someone to believe in you, and you did Bryan you believed in me. I will never ever forget you. I learnt to believe in myself -thank you!

I was meant to meet Bryan "no such thing as a coincidence" as he always told me. My life could have been very different. You touched the hearts of many, I'm honoured that you called me your friend. I'm sorry I wasn't there to celebrate your life. I was there in spirit.

My thoughts are with Carole and Liam two very special people in this life. Carole you are a wonderful strong woman, I send my love to you both.

Diane Stanton.

The mystery man in a black hat

2006-09-20T14:50:00.000Z

When I met Bryan for the first time I left that encounter without knowing his name or what he did with his life. If I remember correctly, it was an evening conference with Amit Goswami on Quantum Physics and consciousness in Lisbon some five years ago, and people were waiting in the hall for the start. Out of nowhere a man in a black hat comes forth towards me and asks “who are you?”, “what do you do with your life?” … Being a shy sort of guy I was a bit embarrassed and stunned at all this unexpected attention. Who is this guy? I reluctantly answered him not knowing exactly if I was providing the right answers, or even why I should do that! He just said “Don’t you ever stray from your path” and I replied “I wont” not knowing exactly what path he was talking about …, and off he went. This brief encounter remained in my mind as a sort of a consciousness alert that was activated in times of crisis and helped me enormously to sail through all the storms my life was going through at that time. Time went on, and that man’s face disappeared from memory and only the memory of an encounter remained.

Last year Bryan started workshops in “Quinta da Paciência” (Sintra) where “coincidentally” I had my engineering practice. For many months I met him sporadically without realising who he was. Then one day I was asked to do the Portuguese interpretation in a workshop for Bryan and Carole and it was then that I started knowing the Big Man. Later, I was asked to do the interpretation for some private consultations and my admiration for his technique and his Love for all those he was helping, increased enormously. Some months later during a meditation it came to me that the crazy man in a black hat, that helped me years ago to steer my life could only be Bryan… He was in Sintra at the time, and I asked him about that evening in Lisbon and he confirmed it was him! I then asked about exactly what he had meant by straying from the path but he wouldn’t clarify …

Following this, other magical stuff took place and I married my lovely wife Rita after starting dating her following a Bryan workshop … (but this is by itself another story…)
Last November Bryan became Rita’s best man in our wedding which filled us with joy.

Few people had such big impact in my life. I thank God for the privilege of meeting such a Man. My heart is with you Bryan and I wish you all the best in your new assignments, for I have no doubt you will continue helping people.

My Love goes to Carole, Liam and all those who took a chance and dared to work for a happier life.

Miguel Santos

Funeral Tribute

2006-09-20T09:33:00.000Z

As several people not at the funeral have asked, here is the text of my tribute to Bryan (more or less reconstructed from my notes).

Well Bryan, this is the toughest assignment that you've set me yet. It feels like we are all here at the last workshop, but this time we have to manage on our own.
I'm sure many of us here will remember their first meeting with you! At first, I hated you, you bugger. Why? Because you said all the things that I didn't want to hear but needed to hear. That, for me, makes you not just a bloody good therapist but also a friend: isn't that what friends are about?
I came to think of you as a gentle giant - gentle but merciless in pursuing our demons and getting us into theose dark parts of our selves where we didn't want to go. You pursued us not through malice but because you believed passionately that everyone could get better, couold be better.

I remember one of your phrases: "You lay down your shield, and I'll lay down my sword" and came to understand that you would keep on with people until you got behind their protective and defensive shields. Your motto was "Confort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable". Well, I was one of those comfortable ones and, by God, did I get a shake up from you!

You have a very special way with people - you make every single person feel special, be the centre of your attention, and you would always believe in us, even when we felt that everyone else had given up on us.

You are inspired: how you would - with a word, a phrase, a look, a piece of music - make an important step in bringing us to where we needed to be. I don't know how you do it and frankly it doesn't matter. What is important is that works. And it works because you care deeply, passionately: you would never give up someone who was prepared to work with you.

You have a wicked sense of humour, without concern for being "politically correct": you would just say it as it needed to be said. You are the master of the oneliners - and we all know those famous "Bryanisms": why spend ages with complicated explanations when a oneliner is going to stick with you for the rest of your days.

As Father Chris said earlier, one of the most important of those oneliners is LOVE: Life's Only Vital Emotion. Your life is certainly full of love, and you have lived life to the full and always lived in the moment.

You are so proud of your marriage, of Carole,of your children. I would hope that you could be pround too of us, who have become your extended family.

If there is one important lesson I have learnt from you Bryan it is this: when you really love someone, you should let them go, because when you do so, you set them free and you never really lose them.

You have let us go and we have to adjust, learn to manage more on our own without you.

In turn, now we have to let you go and in doing so, let you know that we love you too Bryan.

Bryan oneliners

2006-09-19T09:37:00.000Z

"Are you here to save your face or save your arse?"
Typically summed up the moment when I hesitated about taking that scary plunge in therapy, worried that I was going to appear a fool in front of a whole group....

I - finally - went for the second option

How did I meet Bryan?

2006-09-18T07:09:00.000Z

Its always a conversation starter when people ask "so how did you meet Bryan?" Everyone has their story, especially of their first session being unlike anything they could have imagined!
Me.. I was sitting on my sofa watching Eastenders or some other crap (as you do) when the phone rang and this guy said he was Bryan and to get my arse round his house... Um what the fuck?!! who?? So.. anyway being too terrified to say no to the stranger who had rung me up out of the blue I went round!! (of course that must have meant I needed therapy to go round some unknown persons house..)
Anyway after weeks of me going to see him refusing to speak or look off the floor (mainly from fear) something must have happened as before I knew it I was at workshops alternately screaming and hitting a chair or crying my eyes out.
Bryan helped me turn my life around, gave me the confidence to believe in myself. Once apon a time a silly doctor said I would be" mentally ill" and on antidepressants for the rest of my life.. needless to say Bryan informed me that was bollocks..
9 months ago, I packed my job in, packed my bag got myself a working visa for New Zealand and got on a plane.. I've never looked back. I am the person I always wanted to be happy, chilled and taking one day at a time..
I wish I could be at the funeral and be able to be with other people who knew him (I did try to describe him to people out here but he's indescribable).
Thanks Bryan, you helped me change my life and kicked me into action. I will miss you.

Thanks Bryan

2006-09-17T20:03:00.000Z

This isn't from Dave but I want to add my thanks to the big man. I never had a counselling session from Bryan and I only met him a few times. But - he gave me back my husband and the kids back their father. I know our lives would have panned out very differently if Dave had not met Bryan.

My thoughts are with Carole and Liam.

Thanks Bryan.

My vertical climb

2006-09-17T19:46:00.000Z

I met Bryan when I was at rock bottom. He admitted later he did not know what the **** to do with me. He didn't give up and neither did I. He helped me deal with my problems, gave me confidence, built me up, sorted me out, told me I would be a good counsellor and supported me on my first training courses. My proudest moment was when he told me I was no longer a client but a friend. What more could I ask.
I am starting a counselling course that will stretch me to my limits. But he told me I can do it so I will, with his help.

The mighty man with the mighty black hat

2006-09-16T11:06:00.000Z

I wonder how many people actually stomped on that black hat! Amazingly, it still looked in great shape all the time (-: Well, it was worn by the man who had the gift to teach me things that make my life fulfilled and full of love. Brian, you will always live on in my heart. I whish you that you continue what you started in this life, wherever you are right now.

Thomas

Vienna, September 2006

First Lesson Learned

2006-09-16T01:36:00.000Z

"So come on then, why haven't you called me?"
'Bugger off', I thought to myself, "You were supposed to call ME!" I ranted.
"And you didn't think that you could have called me?"
Damn it... I bleedin' well knew it. He'd caught me marching firmly down Anger Street. Crafty bit of engineering on his part... And the worst thing was I knew it was happening.

A week earlier I had left work and jumped on a train back into town for my weekly appointment with Bryan.

I slunk up to the gate of his house, took one final drag on my cigarette and cast it aside as I wondered what his session had in store.

I knocked on the door and was informed that Bryan had been caught in traffic and wouldn't be back in time for my appointment. He had called ahead though to let them know I was coming and to pass a message on to me saying that he would call me later that evening to reschedule.

"Fair enough," I thought "These things happen!" and off I went, marching happily back home to smoke myself silly, crack open some beers and await his call.

Needless to say no call came that day. No call came the next day either...

Nor the next...
(by this point I'm a little bit annoyed...)

Nor the next...
(now I'm a little bit angry.. starting to tell the story to others and bitch about people shirking their responsibilities...)

Nor the next...
(I attend a party this evening and bitch, whine and rage at anyone and everyone who knows I am in counselling)

Nor the next...
(Hungover... To depressed from my headache to care if Bryan calls me or not)

Nor the next...
(Okay. What kind of a counsellor would fail to call after he had cancelled an appointment?? What did he think he was doing?? How unethical is that?!?! Oh, sure, he might be trying to make me angry but I'll be damned if I'm going to let that happen. I'm smarter than that and I'm not going to be a little lab rat running through his maze to find the prize. Not me. Oh no! I'm smarter than that!)

The next day he called me... and from that day on my time with Bryan really started to count.

Even though people had suggested to me - and I had believed myself - that he was simply trying to make me angry by not calling, I had been completely unable to control the festering rage that was building up more and more each day.

I had been (to use one of my all time favourite of Bryan's sayings) "Drinking the poison to kill someone else".

This is the first of the many lessons I learned from Bryan, and it is definitely one of the three main chords that Bryan struck that will resonate in me for the rest of my life.

I won't raise a can of beer in your name, Bryan, as I know you'd have called me a prat and asked me about my drinking again... But I will raise a glass of water and call a toast to you for everything you have taught each and everyone one of us about ourselves.

Whilst I never quite completed my journey with you, I know that I wouldn't have made it this far without your support and love.

Here's to you, big guy!

All my love to you and to all

Doug

L O V E

2006-09-13T20:39:00.000Z

This is what it is all about....L O V E :

Life's
Only
Vital
Emotion

You taught us all that and it showed in everything you did and everyone you cared for.