The mystery man in a black hat

When I met Bryan for the first time I left that encounter without knowing his name or what he did with his life. If I remember correctly, it was an evening conference with Amit Goswami on Quantum Physics and consciousness in Lisbon some five years ago, and people were waiting in the hall for the start. Out of nowhere a man in a black hat comes forth towards me and asks “who are you?”, “what do you do with your life?” … Being a shy sort of guy I was a bit embarrassed and stunned at all this unexpected attention. Who is this guy? I reluctantly answered him not knowing exactly if I was providing the right answers, or even why I should do that! He just said “Don’t you ever stray from your path” and I replied “I wont” not knowing exactly what path he was talking about …, and off he went. This brief encounter remained in my mind as a sort of a consciousness alert that was activated in times of crisis and helped me enormously to sail through all the storms my life was going through at that time. Time went on, and that man’s face disappeared from memory and only the memory of an encounter remained.

Last year Bryan started workshops in “Quinta da Paciência” (Sintra) where “coincidentally” I had my engineering practice. For many months I met him sporadically without realising who he was. Then one day I was asked to do the Portuguese interpretation in a workshop for Bryan and Carole and it was then that I started knowing the Big Man. Later, I was asked to do the interpretation for some private consultations and my admiration for his technique and his Love for all those he was helping, increased enormously. Some months later during a meditation it came to me that the crazy man in a black hat, that helped me years ago to steer my life could only be Bryan… He was in Sintra at the time, and I asked him about that evening in Lisbon and he confirmed it was him! I then asked about exactly what he had meant by straying from the path but he wouldn’t clarify …

Following this, other magical stuff took place and I married my lovely wife Rita after starting dating her following a Bryan workshop … (but this is by itself another story…)
Last November Bryan became Rita’s best man in our wedding which filled us with joy.

Few people had such big impact in my life. I thank God for the privilege of meeting such a Man. My heart is with you Bryan and I wish you all the best in your new assignments, for I have no doubt you will continue helping people.

My Love goes to Carole, Liam and all those who took a chance and dared to work for a happier life.

Miguel Santos

Funeral Tribute

As several people not at the funeral have asked, here is the text of my tribute to Bryan (more or less reconstructed from my notes).

Well Bryan, this is the toughest assignment that you've set me yet. It feels like we are all here at the last workshop, but this time we have to manage on our own.
I'm sure many of us here will remember their first meeting with you! At first, I hated you, you bugger. Why? Because you said all the things that I didn't want to hear but needed to hear. That, for me, makes you not just a bloody good therapist but also a friend: isn't that what friends are about?
I came to think of you as a gentle giant - gentle but merciless in pursuing our demons and getting us into theose dark parts of our selves where we didn't want to go. You pursued us not through malice but because you believed passionately that everyone could get better, couold be better.

I remember one of your phrases: "You lay down your shield, and I'll lay down my sword" and came to understand that you would keep on with people until you got behind their protective and defensive shields. Your motto was "Confort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable". Well, I was one of those comfortable ones and, by God, did I get a shake up from you!

You have a very special way with people - you make every single person feel special, be the centre of your attention, and you would always believe in us, even when we felt that everyone else had given up on us.

You are inspired: how you would - with a word, a phrase, a look, a piece of music - make an important step in bringing us to where we needed to be. I don't know how you do it and frankly it doesn't matter. What is important is that works. And it works because you care deeply, passionately: you would never give up someone who was prepared to work with you.

You have a wicked sense of humour, without concern for being "politically correct": you would just say it as it needed to be said. You are the master of the oneliners - and we all know those famous "Bryanisms": why spend ages with complicated explanations when a oneliner is going to stick with you for the rest of your days.

As Father Chris said earlier, one of the most important of those oneliners is LOVE: Life's Only Vital Emotion. Your life is certainly full of love, and you have lived life to the full and always lived in the moment.

You are so proud of your marriage, of Carole,of your children. I would hope that you could be pround too of us, who have become your extended family.

If there is one important lesson I have learnt from you Bryan it is this: when you really love someone, you should let them go, because when you do so, you set them free and you never really lose them.

You have let us go and we have to adjust, learn to manage more on our own without you.

In turn, now we have to let you go and in doing so, let you know that we love you too Bryan.

Bryan oneliners

"Are you here to save your face or save your arse?"
Typically summed up the moment when I hesitated about taking that scary plunge in therapy, worried that I was going to appear a fool in front of a whole group....

I - finally - went for the second option

How did I meet Bryan?

Its always a conversation starter when people ask "so how did you meet Bryan?" Everyone has their story, especially of their first session being unlike anything they could have imagined!
Me.. I was sitting on my sofa watching Eastenders or some other crap (as you do) when the phone rang and this guy said he was Bryan and to get my arse round his house... Um what the fuck?!! who?? So.. anyway being too terrified to say no to the stranger who had rung me up out of the blue I went round!! (of course that must have meant I needed therapy to go round some unknown persons house..)
Anyway after weeks of me going to see him refusing to speak or look off the floor (mainly from fear) something must have happened as before I knew it I was at workshops alternately screaming and hitting a chair or crying my eyes out.
Bryan helped me turn my life around, gave me the confidence to believe in myself. Once apon a time a silly doctor said I would be" mentally ill" and on antidepressants for the rest of my life.. needless to say Bryan informed me that was bollocks..
9 months ago, I packed my job in, packed my bag got myself a working visa for New Zealand and got on a plane.. I've never looked back. I am the person I always wanted to be happy, chilled and taking one day at a time..
I wish I could be at the funeral and be able to be with other people who knew him (I did try to describe him to people out here but he's indescribable).
Thanks Bryan, you helped me change my life and kicked me into action. I will miss you.